Born Not To Hate
By Pamela Jordan Lee
Owner, Sir Max

On Sunday, September 8, I found out about a teen violence forum in Toledo, Ohio, and I decided to go at the last minute. I had considered not going at one point due to the fact that it had been a stormy day, and because I didn't fully know what the forum was about. Luckily, my mind was made up to attend, and as I sat and listened to stories from teens that were from Egypt, Israel, Saudi Arabia and Palestine, I realized that the violence and brainwashing in these and several other countries starts early on in life, teaching them how to hate each other.

Even more interesting, these teens came to America to find peace with each other, because this would never be allowed in their own country. After talking with each other, they found that many them had the same interests as many other teens, and all of them wanted the violence to stop. They all admitted to being tired of paying the price of self-killings, and for wars that were started long before they were born. Some teens have been rejected by their families and are unable to return to their native countries since they no longer want to be a part of the violence.

One young man spoken through his tears and pain about how three of his teenaged friends had been killed in their own country because they wanted their freedom from violence. At this point in the meeting, the tears were readily flowing down my cheeks, and the mood of the audience had changed. There was anger in the audience as the forum was open for questions to these teenagers. The majority of the audience was made up of older adults, and it seems that before I knew what was happening, they were arguing with these teens over issues as far back as Cain and Abel, in addition to quoting the bible.

The picture became a little clearer to me as I realized that there were Jews, Arabs and Muslims in the audience. I then began questioning myself, wondering why in the world I had decided to attend this meeting. The tension was clearly present in the room. Suddenly, a young male teen shouted out, "This is what we are tired of...all the arguing and fighting and I can see the hatred in your faces!" The room went silent as the moderator settled things down and ended the forum. Before I left I had the opportunity to speak with a few of these teenagers one-on-one. As I was driving home, I asked myself what was I to learn from this, questioning why I had such a burning to attend this meeting that I knew little about before attending. I discovered the reason on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, when I turned on my television. It was then that I understood. God teaches us lessons in so many ways, sometimes we don't realize that we have already taken the test.   

The short story above is true and, in many of my writings and speeches, I emphasize that we are not born in this to world to hate or to be violent. This foundation for hate and violence is taught to many from past frustrations, depressions, oppression, and religious beliefs. More often than not, it is also generated through pure ignorance. The cycle of violence comes in many forms, and from many past generations,

People look at me strangely when I make such a comment. Still, we can discover this by looking back to where we come from...generations that have kept many family secrets like incest, verbal and physical abuse, alcohol abuse, and unrealistic religious traditions. Remember those family gatherings when you hear her bits and pieces of family gossip, but you never got the all the facts? How about when certain family members would walk in and suddenly, that good, juicy information stopped like a heart beat? That's the point when whispering would start.

As time goes on, you hear comments like "poor Uncle Joe" or "poor child can_t help it, we always knew something was wrong." The four best resources for family information are baby showers, weddings, family reunions and funerals, in that order. Our past generations never talked about their pain, heartaches, self worth, fear and most importantly, their love. We were always told go tell grandma you love her, or tell Uncle Joe how much you love him. When were you told you to love yourself? So much of our time, we are fighting past battles.

Sometimes, those battles are not ours to begin with, but nonetheless, the battle goes on. Then there are those who choose to bury their battles deep within. Over time, our battles become more fierce with hate, violence and prejudices that we no longer understand who we are or what is our main purpose of being. Lost is one's sweet innocence from birth, our unity of diversity, our family values and traditions. And finally, a lost soul that leaves this earth as a soaring dove in hopes of a new beginning. Please pray for world peace.