Bringing Peace for the Holidays
By Pamela Jordan Lee
Owner, Sir Max

The holidays have arrived, and they bring stressful times for many people. But when you have violence in the home, and a family that has been broken apart, it brings other stresses. I have a lot of moms ask what they should do about a gift from dad when he is not involved or is just involved on a part-time basis, popping in and out every now and then when it's convenient for him. My response to that is for little children, wrap a small gift and tell them it's from daddy.

The reason I say this is that the child is not responsible for what is going on in your life, and until the child is old enough to understand what is going on, give the gift. We have enough children with low self-esteem, lack of love and a lack of family values. As a parent, you need to at least make this day a special one in the best way you can. On this magical day, no child wants to feel that daddy forgot about him or her. When is the right time to tell a child who gave those gifts and why? That depends on the maturity of the child. I told my son when he was about 15 or 16, when his biological father had came back in the picture, and my husband of 15 years had adopted my son years before, when he was 8. When the ex comes back around, old stories and lies seem to surface again.

For me, I had to set the record straight and do what was best for my son. When you decide to tell your child or children one day, explain it to them in a positive and effective way, and explain to them the loving reason why you did it that way. If dad is in the picture and wants to drop off a gift, remind him when you get that phone call at 2 a.m. after he has been drinking all night that this is not the appropriate time to drop off a gift or spend time with his child or children. Most of the time, these types of dads are just looking for another place to extend that night life and have a little fun with you and some don1t even stay around to see the children because he is up and gone before they wake up.

For the families that can unite for the sake of the child or children, select a time and place that will work for both of you. For the ones that cannot connect, select a mutual safe zone where either parent can visit the child or children without having conflict between the parents. The statistics for violence in homes, schools and the workplace are overwhelming. On September 11, we as a nation shared the pain and deaths of thousands of people from the violent act on that day. The time has come to seriously think about the precious gift of life, to understand and cherish the purpose of a family, and to value and give respect to others. Don1t ask someone to give or do something that you are not willing to do yourself. Happy holidays and peace to all.