Relationships
By Pamela Jordan Lee
Owner, Sir Max

The New Year brings with it a good time to address the subject of new relationships. For the women who are lucky to get out of an abusive relationship, many will find themselves in a new relationship, yet they still have to deal with the issues from the previous relationship. They carry over the insecurities, a lack of self-esteem, fear, reality, a lack of trust, lost love and anger. It also surely does contribute to additional issues when children are involved.

A new boyfriend, lover or a friend cannot solve problems from the past. We, as women, tend to get too caught up with the twinkle in the eyes, the heart beating harder and a feeling that maybe we may never have experienced before, perhaps becoming involved with someone that tells you how pretty you look, instead of being told how ugly you are. We also can't forget this one: "Baby, you look good," instead of "You are too fat and no one will ever want you." It's certainly nice to have these feelings, but when you become blind-sighted, that is when you need a serious reality check.

So many times women will also jump into a new relationship for the fear of just being alone. This can also happen because the ex has a new found love, and now you need to show him that you also can have someone new. However, that does not mean that is right for you. It's important to be alone for a while. Take some to time to figure out your past issues, how and why you got into your past relationships, and evaluate what your life and what it was like in your child and teen years. What are your dreams and hopes for tomorrow? You will never achieve then when you are stuck in the past. In some cases, women just might meet that new knight in shinning armor. However, when this occurs and you have not dealt with past issues, you can destroy that new relationship.

Even with a new relationship, you have to know and understand your past boundaries so the new relationship has a chance to blossom. If you live in the past and bring all your garbage into the relationship, it will not work and just think: he could be that special someone, and your past can send him walking right out that door. One of the best friends you can ever have is yourself. Take some time to learn and understand who you are, and find your purpose. If you cannot love and respect yourself first, don't count on someone else doing it for you.